Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by SilverNightRain08
Summary: I felt scared,I had never made a move or even thought to tell him how I truly felt,I was so afraid of being rejected by him. Was Nina right about me? Was I really just a shallow girl that ran away from her own feelings and hard times? Lelouch, I need you


**Alright, well, here's a MillyXLelouch one shot. I always liked Milly and it made me mad how she never got her chance to tell Lelouch how she felt. Meh. Well, I guess the guy had enough girls after him...so...gotta have one that will be quiet about her feelings. Still...I felt so bad for Milly. I loved her...she made me laugh. I hope you enjoy this! **

**I do not own Code Geass (unfortunately) or Phantom of the Opera (unfortunately), where the title is from.  
**

"Why?" I muttered, my fists curling and teeth grinding together, "why?"

I covered my face with my hands, my blond hair swaying in the wind, tears threatening to pour down my cheeks and I didn't dare to let my eyes fall upon his name. The beautiful name engraved upon the cold, unfeeling stone, it almost seemed careless and it mocked me as I fought to not cry. I was Milly Ashford after all, former Student Body president, granddaughter of the man that ran the exalted and respected Ashford Academy and now a popular news anchor...I couldn't cry. No one had ever seen me cry...not even him.

"Lelouch," I sobbed quietly, daring to gaze at his name on the antagonizing grave, the feeling of my heart breaking making me kneel down, hugging myself. "What happened...?"

I was so confused, questions whirling around in my mind and no one could answer me. Any time I would ask Kallen, she'd only turn and walk away, her own heartbreak written clearly across her face. Her sapphire blue eyes would become consumed with misery, her bag slung over her shoulder and she'd just amble away, not answering me or even looking back. I didn't blame her either...she had been there, tied up as a prisoner, seeing Lelouch die right in front of her without the cameras and crews hindering any view of what was happening to the Emperor. I didn't see the trail of crimson follow Lelouch as he plummeted down into the arms of his sister, I didn't hear the cries of Nunnally, and I didn't see that pool of blood forming around Lelouch's dead corpse. All I had to do was fumble for a remote and turn off the television, my entire body trembling so violently, I fell back into a chair, the remote clattering to the ground, my eyes twice their usual size.

"Le-Lelouch is-? He can't be!" I had shrieked so desperately, the rest of my crew dashing to my side, trying to calm and comfort me but it did no good. I needed out...I wanted to run to Lelouch's side and see him stand back up, dust off his robes and then...then what?

Everything I was thinking of was just nonsense. Lelouch was dead and he wasn't ever going to come back to the Academy or the world. He was in the afterlife, his smile lighting up the Heavens and he was at peace, knowing he had finally created the world his beloved sister could live in. Such a tragic hero...but that was how Lelouch had always been. Even though I acted as if everything was bright and cheery, my unusual plans for the Student Council masking the true torn and lost emotions inside of me, I wanted to see if I could make him smile. I loved him with all my heart...Lelouch was a dream...my Student Council vice president...I had even begged my grandfather to allow him the position and I practically broadcasted how wonderful of a person Lelouch was just so he could win the votes...although everyone had loved him regardless...he was just that easy to adore.

I felt scared...I had never made a move or even thought to tell him how I truly felt...I was so afraid of being rejected by him...not to mention, Shirley was in love with him too. I was her best friend, wasn't I? She had already lost her father...I wasn't going to allow her to lose Lelouch too. That was what friends were for right? Always looking out for each other and always having their back? I was a great friend, wasn't I? I always made sure my friends were happy and I gave them praise all the time, reminding them all how much they meant to me and trying to have fun...even if my idea of fun was much more wrapped than theirs was. I always tried to be the one that protected them...making them laugh and trying to be a source of comfort during the war that seemed to go on forever. "Lelouch, did I...do well?" I asked him, tears leaking down my face as I lowered my hands off my face and stared at his name, "was I a good friend to you?"

No one answered me, not that I expected anyone to, my chest feeling tight as I struggled to choke back sobs, the invisible rubber bands squeezing my chest, my heart feeling as if a noose around it. I hated feeling like this...the pain was greater than I imagined...losing someone you loved...someone that meant the world to you and made you smile...the one you were always to afraid to say 'I love you' to...I missed so many chances to tell him how I felt about him...Lelouch was always at my side and yet, never once did I tell him I loved him. Even during the Valentines Day event when I did become dead set on telling him, I felt my voice become caught in my throat when he looked at me with his starry violet eyes and asked "Are you going to trade with anyone, Miss President?" Why didn't I just tell him then? Why was I such a coward?

I fell to my knees, my hands at my sides, the tears freely raining off my cheeks and I allowed the tearing sobs burst out of me without a care in the world. I needed him...I wanted to see him again so badly...I wanted him to come back so I could tell him everything...I wanted him to know that I cared about him so deeply, I loved him...I loved him with my whole being and I just wanted to be with him...even if he didn't love me back, at least stay with me as a best friend like he had used to do...

I remembered Nina telling me that she thought I had no depth...that I always hid behind things like my title at Ashford...my forced engagement to Lloyd...was this something else I ran from? The fear of being rejected...losing Lelouch because he didn't feel the same towards me...I kept my love for him under lock and key in my heart...was I a coward for not saying anything? Was Nina right about me? Was I really just a shallow girl that ran away from her own feelings and hard times in her life? I had always admired that about Shirley and Nunnally...both of them had suffered through so much more than I had and yet, they both were able to stay strong, smile and place other's feelings before their own...Shirley was dead too...but even so, even after her father died and she was forced through unfair events, she was always smiling and bringing light to everyone. Nunnally was blind and crippled...she lost her brother, her sight and her ability to walk and yet, she still found something to live for...but what about me? What had I lost in this war? I knew very well I wasn't the only one affected by Lelouch's death...everyone that knew him was and I was positive both Nunnally and Lelouch's long time best friend Suzaku were more heartbroken right now than I was...but still...I couldn't help but letting myself cry to the moon and back as I knelt at Lelouch's grave, that icy, gray rock mocking me with the name.

_Lelouch...I need you..._

**T.T Milly...she seems tragic to me in some aspects. Thinking of writing other one shots too for Suzaku, Rivalz, Nunnally and Shirley and maybe C.C (I'm not good at getting inside her head. XP) So, I hoped you liked it! :D**_  
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